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Reinventing yourself is a Valuable Investment with a Great Return

We’re into the second month of 2024 and people are already breaking the New Year’s resolutions they made a month ago. In my humble opinion, New Year’s resolutions are a weak plan that serves to make us feel bad, when we don’t see quick results. How about we try a different angle? Instead of overwhelming ourselves with commitments that make us feel like we’re not enough, how about we focus on reinvention, which concentrates on shifting out parts of ourselves that are no longer serving us. Too many people stick with the limited notion that this is just how I am and who I am, take it or leave it, which is fine if it makes you feel good, but I think it reflects another limiting belief that we don’t have the capacity to reinvent ourselves. 

Here’s some great news: you can choose where you want to remodel your lifestyle, your friends list, your thinking habits and begin laying the groundwork for the next great chapter in your life. We humans are far more powerful than we give ourselves credit for. Yes, changing something in our lives so that we improve ourselves and our circumstances may feel uncomfortable, but the reward is considerable.

Has anyone ever told you that you can do anything? If they did, do you believe it? Sometimes the idea that we can do anything we want frightens us because it’s such an abstract concept and so hard to feel that it could be real. Does it mean I can be an astronaut or live by the beach? Does it mean I can join a band or climb a mountain? Well, yes, yes, yes, and yes if you have the will, commitment, time, tenacity, and resources to devote yourself to making these projects your reality.  

Likely your first reaction to becoming an astronaut is to scoff at such an idea but before you do, consider that becoming an astronaut may not be for you and just let it go. Every one of us is in a unique life situation which I like to describe as being in our own lane. There’s only your lane for you and in that lane with your gifts and your skills is where your best crack at reinvention lies.

“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin.” – Ivan Turgenev (novelist, poet, playwright).

Some of industry’s most successful leaders talk about the challenge of getting buy-in from their staff when it comes to reinvention or change. It’s a well-researched fact that we humans don’t like change but think for a second and realize that the way we got to where we are as human beings is because of change. These same leaders of industry also talk about how to get their teams on side, when it comes to change. First, they say, as leaders, they must see the value in it and then they must keep it simple for their teams. When a big idea is simplified, it makes it easier for our busy thinking mind to grasp a fresh perspective. Our thinking mind is so good at coming up with all the reasons why we shouldn’t change anything. As CEO of your life, it’s important that you’re convinced that there’s value in reinvention and it’s key that you don’t overwhelm yourself with big sweeping change. Instead focus on small shifts so that you can remain accountable to your goal instead of feeling overwhelmed and slipping back into habits that no longer serve you.

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” -M. Scott Peck (psychiatrist, author)

 

Having clarity about what we want in whatever chapter of life we’re in and having goals for our future is key to successful reinvention. Often clarity emerges from us examining our discomfort or recognizing what we don’t want in our lives. If you’re a chronic complainer or find yourself in the company of complainers, at some point there’s a recognition that the habit of complaining never brings joy; it only brings more situations to complain about. Recognizing that this habit needs to shift out if you’re ever going to feel satisfied and joyful is a big step. We should always feel pleased with ourselves when we recognize habits that are no longer serving us and are working against our joy. Then, by having compassion for ourselves, we can begin to replace complaints with questions or compliments. These can be directed at ourselves by speaking kindly to and about ourselves, and can be addressed to those around us, so that we gradually ease our way out of the habit of complaining and into a mindset and an approach that invites more joy.

We should always be curious about the world we’re living in, regardless of age. The National Institute of Aging studied curiosity along with other factors such as physical health risks in a group of 1200 men over 65, to see if curiosity made any impact on the quality of their lives or their longevity; a similar study was done following 1000 women. The results showed a correlation between physical and psychological health in curious people and concluded that curiosity impacted longevity. The study also showed that curious people were better prepared to respond to challenges encountered as they age such as change in living arrangements or mobility.  Curious people displayed better coping skills with new experiences, were more adept at forging new friendships and were more resourceful when it came to problem solving.

“If you are not where you want to be, do not quit. Instead, reinvent yourself and change your habits.” Eric Thomas (pastor, author, speaker)

Do you find yourself spending too much time alone? Isolation and loneliness can have a serious impact on our physical and mental health, so if this sounds like you it’s time to look at how you can reinvent your lifestyle. Let’s use the example of volunteering to up level your life and provide meaning for you and impact for others. Begin with researching services, clubs and organizations in your community and find groups engaged in something that really interests you. Perhaps contact someone within the group to find out more information and invite a friend to investigate with you a little further in person. It won’t take long before you’ll know whether it’s for you. If it is for you, you’ve opened the door to potentially making new friends and of course being of service is rewarding all around. You’ve just expanded your circle, created connections, and enhanced your community. You’ve just reinvented yourself.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

Choosing Gratitude Over Jealousy: A Path to True Joy

In pursuing happiness, we often find ourselves at a crossroads: jealousy or gratitude. 

While the former can seem deceptively alluring, promising motivation and a sense of comparative achievement, the latter leads to lasting joy and fulfillment. 

I will dive into why choosing gratitude over jealousy can improve our lives.

The Trap of Jealousy

At its core, jealousy reflects our insecurities and unfulfilled desires. It’s easy to look at someone else’s life – their successes, possessions, or lifestyle – and feel envy. However, this emotion is more destructive than it is constructive. It roots us in a mindset of scarcity and competition, where our self-worth is measured against others.

The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude, on the other hand, shifts our focus from what we lack to what we possess. It’s about recognizing and appreciating the value of our own life experiences, relationships, and achievements. When we practice gratitude, we open ourselves to experiencing joy in the present moment, appreciating life’s small victories and simple pleasures.

Practical Steps Towards Gratitude

Personal Inventory: Start by taking stock of your life. What are the things you’re thankful for? This could range from your health, family, and friends to your career achievements. Acknowledging these can shift your perspective from what you don’t have to what you do.

Celebrate Others’ Success: Instead of feeling envious, try to feel happy for others’ achievements. This positive outlook can bring a sense of community and shared joy rather than isolation and bitterness.

Set Realistic Goals: Sometimes, we set lofty goals that are more about outshining others than fulfilling our needs. Setting achievable personal goals keeps our focus inward and helps us derive satisfaction from our progress.

The Joy of Letting Go

Letting go of jealousy is akin to unburdening oneself. It’s about releasing the heavy load of comparison and competition we often carry unconsciously. When we choose gratitude, we celebrate our unique journey, embrace our victories, and learn from our setbacks.

As we navigate life, let’s remind ourselves of our choices. 

We can either get bogged down by jealousy or rise through gratitude. 

Choosing the latter enhances our well-being and contributes to a more positive and supportive environment.

I am grateful for each one of you reading this. 

I sincerely appreciate your time and engagement with these thoughts. 

May we all strive to replace jealousy with gratitude and journey towards true joy.

Five Transformative Tips for Men and Women Over 55

If you’re over 55, you’re navigating a time of life that’s as challenging as rewarding. 
 
It’s a period for breaking free from past roles and embracing a world of freedom and opportunity.
 
But it’s also a time for shedding old habits and stereotypes. 
 
Let’s discuss five key things men and women should stop doing to make the most of these enriching years.

1. Stop Being a People Pleaser

Many of us have focused on pleasing others, whether in our careers or personal lives. Now, it’s essential to prioritize your joy and aspirations. It’s about finding a balance between caring for others and honoring your own needs and desires. This is your moment to live life according to your standards.

2. Let Go of Living in the Past

Our past experiences shape us, but dwelling on them can hinder our enjoyment of the present and our anticipation of the future. Embrace the present and remain curious about new opportunities and experiences. Remember, your Past has shaped you, but it doesn’t confine your future.

3. Stop Putting Yourself Down

Now is the time to discard self-doubt and negative self-perceptions. Societal metrics of success or beauty do not define you. Embrace your journey, complete with its imperfections. Every step has contributed to who you are. Celebrate your life and all your achievements.

4. Embrace Change, Don’t Fear It

Change is inevitable, especially as we get older. Embracing changes in our bodies, lifestyles, and the world can be empowering. Change leads to growth, new experiences, and opportunities. Accept and flourish in this dynamic journey of life.

5. Get Control of Your Brain: Stop Overthinking

Excessive worry and overthinking can bring undue stress. Aim to live in the moment and enjoy life’s simple pleasures. Understand that some things are outside your control, and that’s perfectly fine. Learning to flow with life’s changes can lead to a more relaxed and enjoyable existence.

So, friends at The Wellings, what are your thoughts?
 
Are there other habits or attitudes you think we should shed as we journey through our 60s and beyond? 
 
Your insights and experiences are invaluable, so please share them with us. 
 
Let’s continue this conversation and explore how we can age stronger and more vibrantly together.

As we share our stories and wisdom, we realize that aging isn’t something we do alone – it’s a journey we embark on together. 
 
By exchanging ideas and supporting one another, we create a stronger and more resilient community. 
 
Your contributions, whether life lessons, tips for staying active, or ways to keep our minds sharp, enrich our collective experience.
 
Thank you for considering these ideas. 
 
Have a beautiful day. 

Discover Your New Favourite Hobby: A Personal Guide to Fun and Learning

Good morning! 

And welcome to your guide to discovering or rediscovering hobbies and fun learning activities. 
 
Embarking on the journey to find a new hobby is an adventure filled with possibilities, especially in the golden years post-retirement. 
 
This is when life gives you a blank canvas to paint with vibrant experiences and activities. 
 
Like the Wellings, your community can be a treasure trove of opportunities and like-minded individuals, making this journey even more enriching and enjoyable.

It often begins with a reflective trip down memory lane. 
 
Please think about what activities you enjoyed in the past. 
 
Is there something you always wanted to try but have yet to get a chance? 
 

Perhaps it was a musical instrument, a sport that energized you, or an artistic pursuit that sparked your creativity. These past interests can reignite a forgotten passion or inspire a new direction.

As you explore this world of hobbies, consider the diverse range of activities that blend creativity, physical activity, and mental stimulation. 

Picture yourself with a paintbrush in hand, capturing the beauty of a landscape, or engaged in the tactile pleasure of crafting, like knitting or pottery. 
 

These activities offer therapeutic benefits and the joy of creating something tangible.

Physical well-being is crucial, and hobbies like gardening and dance or exercise classes, such as yoga or swing dancing, combine physical health benefits with social interaction. 

Gardening connects you with the rhythms of nature, while dancing brings the joy of movement and community engagement.

Mental and emotional aspects are just as vital.

Engaging in reading and writing can be a conduit for self-expression and legacy building. Through playing an instrument, music challenges the mind and brings the joy of a universal language.

Joining clubs or groups in your community, like at the Wellings, enriches the experience. 

Whether it’s a book club, a photography group, or a music ensemble, these communities foster social connections and a sense of belonging. Community events, workshops, and classes offer opportunities to explore new hobbies or delve deeper into existing ones.

When choosing a hobby, consider your physical comfort. 

Opt for activities that suit your lifestyle and physical condition. 
 

For those with limited mobility, activities like seated exercises or hobbies that can be comfortably seated are excellent choices.

Setting achievable goals within your hobby can provide a sense of direction and accomplishment. Whether mastering a new piece of music, completing a craft project, or growing a garden, these goals offer motivation and satisfaction.

You can also consider hobbies that involve community service, like volunteering. They enrich your own life and make a positive impact on the lives of others, fulfilling a more profound need for connection and purpose.

Discovering a new hobby is as enriching as the hobby itself. 

It’s a path filled with exploration, learning, and joy. 

Reset, Refresh, Reframe for 2024

I joke around with our neighbours’ kids that adulting is hard. I’m kidding and yet it’s true. Being an adult is a complex experience in part because we are emotional beings. As humans, we’re wired for safety and survival, we tend to view our circumstances as either negative or positive. Even on the sunniest of days, when we get the perfect parking spot and cruise quickly through checkout at the store, once someone cuts us off in traffic or we get some bad news about one of our kids the day becomes about the negative experience and that’s what we play over an over in our thoughts.   

Our thinking mind loves to categorize and judge because of our need to feel safe and in charge. When something interferes with our plans or some unexpected situation arises, our thinking mind will examine all the ways in which this perceived obstacle might be threatening. It looks for the worst that could happen and we’re left to figure out the next steps for our safety.

Our thought process can be exhausting.

When we allow our thinking mind to lead in this way, we pile on stress, which can cause analysis paralysis because we’re over thinking. We invest our time in examining situations from every angle in the hope that at some point, a solution will magically appear. When an answer does bubble up, we second guess it, never feeling fully confident that it’s the right one, so we procrastinate a little longer, hoping that at some other time we’ll feel better about addressing our circumstances.

Yup. This is what it is to be human, when we allow our thinking mind to lead us by making decisions either mindlessly or based on other people’s expectations and values.

“Most of our stress and suffering come not from events, but from our thoughts. Reframe from negative thoughts, and stress subsides.”
–Martha Beck

Because our thoughts are so powerful, and researchers estimate we have between 60,000 and 80,000 of them a day (most of them negative for the reasons I describe above) they’re worth investigating. In the 1960’s American psychiatrist, Aaron Tempkin Beck helped patients who were struggling with depression to shift from a negative mindset to a positive mindset. The process was termed cognitive restructuring and over time became known as simply reframing, to portray the process of shifting the focus of our thoughts, to ultimately nourish a more positive mindset. Reframing can really help us experience everyday life differently and will influence how we feel about ourselves without changing any of the facts of whatever situation we’re dealing with.

“Our key to transforming anything lies in our ability to reframe it.”
-Marianne Williamson

Many people who consider giving up their family home experience anxiety over the unknown and feel their self-worth and sense of accomplishment is tied directly to owning their home. Who they will be without the identity of being an independent homeowner. The concern is real, but we can ask a better question than who will I be without being a homeowner?  We can reframe the situation by asking who do I get to be without all the responsibilities that come with owning a home? The first question is big and ambiguous while the second question has immediate answers such as: I’ll have more time to connect with friends and family; I’ll have more resources to do the things I really want to do. In short, I’ll be free and it’s from that mindset that we can make sound decisions about the next right steps for ourselves. That’s the power of reframing.

“I am not failing — I am growing! Do you have the ability to reframe failure as growth in order to achieve your goals?” 
-James C. Collins

I think we can all agree that as human beings we’re tough on ourselves when it comes to making mistakes. We learn early in life that the goal is to make our lives run smoothly instead of recognizing that life is a bumpy ride, and it goes more smoothly when we embrace the notion that mistakes are simply opportunities to learn. Let’s reframe the idea that life is happening to us (victim mentality) to life is happening for us (student of life mentality).

Motivational maven Mel Robbins teaches the five second rule: from the second we have an idea to do something, change something or take action on something, we have five seconds before our thinking mind steps in with all the reasons why not. Five seconds to get out of the chair and move our body, five seconds to book the tickets, make the reservation, call that friend before our thinking mind steps in to say you can do that later or not at all. Understanding how we’re wired helps us stay a little ahead of our powerful and negative thought bias, so that we can reframe the situation and decide to take action.

“Attitude is the ability to reframe the experience to empower you to future victories.”
-Orrin Woodward

As I’m getting older, I hear people say that if you have your health, you have everything and that’s one last point I’d like to reframe. While we do our best to maintain our health, things happen, and we can easily be taken down. Our attitude and our perspective on life as it is, is where we can really mine for gold. When life serves up lemons, we can tap into our attitude, to help us focus on what’s going well instead of what’s wrong; we can lean on our friends, family and community which are essential ingredients when it comes to making life-lesson lemonade. Interdependence is a key pillar of living a fulfilling life, especially as we age. Instead of imagining the worst-case scenario, we can reframe and ask what’s the best that could happen? When we choose to think this way with wisdom, clarity, self-compassion and acceptance, we empower ourselves to see the beauty and experience the bounty in our lives. We affirm that we are better together and that’s a great way to begin a new year.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

Joyful Moments: Embracing Daily Celebrations

Welcome to the Festive Edition of The Good Life with Nat and Kat.

In this special episode, join us as we dive into the heartwarming celebrations of December. It’s a time of diverse festivities, joy, and the magic of the season. Whether it’s embracing the return of light or partaking in Christmas traditions, there’s something for everyone to feel good about.

We’ll talk about what makes the festive season so special – from the delightful aromas of evergreen to the joy of decorations and delicious food. Discover the simple pleasures of the season with us, like simmering orange peels with cinnamon for that perfect holiday scent, and setting the scene for any celebration.

But it’s not just about the material aspects. We delve into the essence of celebrating life, creating memorable moments, and enjoying the season in our unique ways, be it through lights, music, or just the company of loved ones.

So, light up some twinkly lights, grab a cozy blanket, and let’s celebrate the joys of the festive season together on The Good Life with Nat and Kat. Happy holidays, everyone! 

Click here to watch the video. 

Celebrations for Every-Day Living

Long before the calendar flips over to December, my mind is focused on the festive season. I love everything about this month of celebrations. Whether it’s St. Nicholas Day, Bodhi Day, Hanukkah, Yule, Christmas, Boxing Day, or New Year’s Eve there are countless opportunities to gather and celebrate together.

It’s a time typically when we do our best to gather with family and friends or friends who feel like family. We bring out all the good stuff from special food and décor to heirloom dishware, and silverware, often kept stashed away until such special events. In our home, growing up, we celebrated Christmas and when we were children, there was the promise that if we were on our best behaviour, a jolly man in a red suit would reward us with gifts. That worked on me when I was a child, but now I know that the spirit of Santa Claus is in all of us. I think we’re all deserving of gifts; there’s a lot we can do for ourselves and share with others with minimal financial costs attached.

While the special occasions on our calendar are unique and I for one look forward to many of them, we can turn any day into something special by adding in a few of our favourite joy snacks, which help to lift our spirits and when shared with others become an instant party.

“The most beautiful things are not associated with money; they are memories and moments. If you don’t celebrate those, they can pass you by.” – Alek Wek, Model and Designer

Let’s set the mood. If you have favourite festive treasures, take them out so you can enjoy them for as long as possible. I wait until December 1st to decorate in full force but a few of my favourite things start to show up around the end of November. During the holidays, I often have a pot of water on the stove; I add a few cloves, some orange peel and cinnamon to create a festive ambience.

In this dark month when we long for the return of more sunlight, we can delight ourselves with twinkling lights, which instantly add a festive touch. You can put them around a window, across a mantle, decorate a plant with them or place them on a shelf. They have some kind of special magic that says festive mood to me. I’ll sometimes put them on during the day, especially if I’ve invited someone over for a visit. Candles are fantastic too; I love the warm glow they add to a cozy winter day.

“Every day is a good day. There is something to learn, care and celebrate.” – Amit Ray, Walking the Path of Compassion

Music makes such a difference in my life, especially around the holidays. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but I love to have either the classic crooners on or some festive instrumental music playing. I find music enhances a celebration and instantly lifts my spirits, even gets me dancing sometimes. Music is a big part of the season for me and now that I’m not doing much Christmas shopping, I make sure to book tickets for a few seasonal concerts and have them on the calendar to look forward to in December.

We’ve set the scene but what to wear? It used to be that dressing up for a special occasion was the norm, however today just about anything goes. If you’re the only guest at this party, you can dress however you like, go formal, casual or wear your favourite pajamas (festive themes are always a hit). If you’re inviting guests, the same thing applies. You can ask them to dress up or dress casually or invite them to come in their favourite pajamas. You might consider an ugly sweater for added fun. Remember the rule is that there are no rules when it comes to spreading joy.

Food is certainly a focus of the festive season, regardless of what you celebrate. It’s a great opportunity to share family recipes and traditions. If you’re inviting guests, why not ask them to bring a dish that is part of their festive tradition. It’s a great way to get a conversation going and it’s fun to learn about how others celebrate the season. If you’re having a solo event, either bring out your favourite snacks, order food you love or have breakfast for lunch or dinner. Some of us enjoy being in the kitchen and others appreciate food but don’t love preparing it. It’s all good; remember the rule is that there are no rules.

“The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is life to celebrate. “ – Oprah Winfrey

While in some ways, it feels like the wheels have come off in our world and there’s no disputing that times are tough. If we want to feel joyful, we must bring joy and when we share happiness with others, we’re tapping into the Santa Claus spirit I mentioned earlier. There are so many fun things we can do to spread joy in our families and our communities. Sharing stories about favourite family gatherings or gifts can spark beautiful memories and sharing those memories can help forge deeper connections with others.

Gift giving is a focus for some festive holidays. Consider wrapping a gift for yourself or donating a gift to a worthy cause. If you’re inviting guests, you can ask them to either bring something to donate or collect money to contribute to a group in need in your community. These seemingly small acts can make a big difference in someone’s life and that’s the spirit we’re focusing on when it comes to celebrating every day. Don’t wait for a special occasion, you are the special event and I’m so glad you’re here to share some of your joy in the world. That’s a beautiful gift. Wishing you a very happy holiday season.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

The Gift of Forgiving: Finding Freedom in Letting Go

In today’s episode of, The Good Life with Nat and Kat, we explore the profound nature of forgiveness. Alexander Pope’s words ring true: “To err is human; to forgive, divine.”

Forgiveness is often thought of as something we extend to others, but it’s equally important to forgive ourselves. We tend to accumulate regrets and self-reproach as easily as dust gathers in unnoticed corners. Why do we give such importance to these minor missteps? It’s time to release that severity and embrace the freeing act of letting go.

Many of us carry an incessant inner critic that replays our perceived faults, continually thinking about how we could’ve done better. This is particularly true for those driven individuals, always aiming to go above and beyond. Yet, sometimes, just getting out of bed in the morning is an achievement in itself.

Life, by its nature, is messy and full of so-called mistakes, which are actually lessons in disguise. When we forgive ourselves for these perceived errors, we open ourselves up to growth and learning. It’s a simple, yet profound shift: learn the lesson, apply it, and improve the next time.

This path to self-forgiveness also involves confronting the emotional baggage we carry, whether from our own actions or those of others. We’re taught not to appear weak, especially high achievers who want everything to be perfect. But life isn’t perfect; it’s unpredictable and messy.

In sports, as in life, you have to start somewhere. Falling down and getting back up is part of the process. Clinging to past mistakes or grievances is a waste of life’s beautiful moments. As Brene Brown, the well-known researcher, teaches, it’s important to be courageous and vulnerable in this process.

Beginning the journey of forgiveness starts with looking inward and asking where we feel constrained by bitterness, resentment, or anger. Holding onto these feelings is like taking poison and expecting someone else to suffer. When you start to realize what’s holding you back, that’s when you can begin the process of forgiveness, a process that, like everything worthwhile, is ongoing.

Our future is much brighter when we allow ourselves the kindness of forgiveness. By not dwelling on past hurts, we avoid letting them overshadow our present. Forgiveness is about stepping out of the shadows and surrounding ourselves with people who support our growth and well-being.

Forgiveness does not mean denying what happened but rather changing our perspective on the situation, allowing us to let go for the sake of our personal growth. It’s an essential step in our pursuit of the best life possible.

So, let’s embrace the transformative power of forgiveness, for it is indeed a gift we give ourselves.

Thank you for joining us today, and may you find the strength to take that bold step towards a life free from the weights of the past.

Forgiveness is a Gift we Give Ourselves

“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” – poet Alexander Pope

Hands up if you have nothing to forgive yourself or anyone else for. Welcome to the club if you put your hand up.  I find there’s always some dust bunny hiding in the back of my mind, a feeling I’ve gotten so used to living with that I don’t see where I need to forgive myself or anyone else. We’re so conditioned, especially in North America, to get over or move past hurt that we bury some of our feelings instead of dealing with them. Research tells us that over time, this type of emotional stress can be linked to mental illness, digestive and immune issues as well as heart disease.

I love what poet Alexander Pope says (above) about erring. To make mistakes is what it is to be a human being; to forgive ourselves and others for making mistakes, is a whole other story.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been in the mistake making business all my life. I’ve always been independent-minded and very curious; it’s a mix that has helped me achieve some goals and it’s put me in plenty of precarious situations as well. It’s only in the last couple of decades that I’ve become curious about what lessons I was meant to learn from those situations. Before then, I just thought everything was my fault or someone else’s fault and I felt either disappointed in myself or let down by somebody else.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” —Lewis B. Smedes, ethicist and theologian 

This game of blame, as researcher Dr. Brene Brown shares, is nothing more than a discharge of pain and discomfort. Oops that was me, repeatedly. I felt hurt by something someone did or I felt let down by myself and quickly assigned blame. It seemed like the right thing to do because when I blamed someone else, I felt better and when I blamed myself, I felt that familiar feeling of shame, which I thought was doing something about it. Wrong. Blaming myself was a missed opportunity to explore how I could hold myself accountable for the outcome and that would have felt vulnerable, which I was not familiar with. Vulnerability is another one of those feelings we’re not encouraged to investigate, at the risk of appearing weak.

What I’ve learned though is that being vulnerable is, contrary to popular belief, a strength. When I do presentations and share my story, some people are surprised to hear that I struggled, I mean really struggled as a young person. I had a bit of a stoic nature because nobody around me growing up talked about what was really going on in our lives. My parents taught us that there were home secrets and that was that. So, I invested quite a few years blaming them for the results I saw in my life. It seemed logical until I learned that everything in my life came back to me, so it was my responsibility to forgive them and myself for holding on to so many misguided ideas.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a constant attitude.” —Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Forgiveness for me is not a one and done, it’s a process. First, we must recognize where we’re holding on to anger, bitterness, or resentment. Then we must ask ourselves why we’re holding on to it. What benefit is there for us in holding on to these feelings? Then we acknowledge that forgiveness is not for anyone else but ourselves. That’s where we start the process of forgiveness and choose to no longer allow whatever bitterness, anger, or resentment we’ve been holding on to, to take up space in our life. It doesn’t mean we forget what happened, it means that we choose to see the situation through a different lens. We are choosing to put ourselves and our own peace of mind ahead of everything else. You’ve heard me say that we all need to be reminded that we are important, and we matter, right? Well, here’s another way to demonstrate that to ourselves.

“Forgiveness is the greatest gift you can give yourself.” –  poet Maya Angelou.

One of my friends has had a years-long challenge with one of her adult children. It’s a complicated situation and my friend has tried every way she knows to reconcile the relationship. Nothing seemed to stick; even after brief moments of connection things would inevitably revert to a strained rapport. Recently my friend heard someone talk about making amends to their family for their behaviour and my friend decided to write a letter to her child, outlining the ways in which she saw herself as responsible for any pain or resentment her child might be feeling toward her. She made it clear that she held herself accountable for the ways in which her child may have felt neglected or let down by her. She read the letter to me; it was powerful. She owned her part in the demise of their relationship and that’s all she could do. She began the process of forgiving herself for whatever mistakes she may have made, perceived or real. She delivered the letter and released her feelings of resentment and frustration with it. I know she felt better about the situation and my hope is that in sharing her story, perhaps you might recognize that there’s some dust bunny somewhere in your mind that has been living rent free for too long and it’s time to go.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”  – Mahatma Gandhi, Indian leader, and activist.

It takes great courage and self-compassion to begin the process of forgiving ourselves and others. The great reward is that in clearing out the clutter of misunderstandings, missed opportunities and resentments, we create space for more goodness and more joy to move in.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Welllings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

4 Steps To Renew Your Focus and Passion

Our perceptions and priorities evolve at the beautiful age of 55 and beyond. Like the ever-changing reflections on a still pond, our life experiences shimmer with wisdom and grace. At the Wellings, we cherish this shift. How do we renew our focus? And how do we recapture our passion?

Here are four steps to get you thinking in new ways:
 

1. Refocus: Dive deep into introspection. At this stage of our lives, priorities and our goals evolve. It’s about maintaining our current paths and exploring new directions based on our accumulated wisdom. Embrace the changes and craft a vision that resonates with you.

2. Reconnect: Remember the beauty of the Wellings Community – it’s our togetherness. Cherish the bonds we’ve nurtured over the years and forge new ones. Embrace our shared experiences and memories and use them as pillars to build a future filled with mutual understanding and compassion.

3. Reignite: Find joy in the present. Use the glowing ember of our collective experiences and passions to fuel a new blaze of activities and aspirations. Let’s cherish every moment and every achievement and move forward with elegance and clear purpose.

4. Re-envision: Approach life with mindful passion. Celebrate our transitions, both past and upcoming, as they symbolize our growth and adaptability. Let’s harness the energy of change to craft a future that combines our past experiences with renewed enthusiasm.

Together, as part of the Wellings Community, these steps aren’t just a roadmap; they’re our dance to the rhythm of life, embracing every twist and turn with grace and wisdom.

This blog was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

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