Strawberries and Chocolate With Chef Robert
Chef Robert keeps it simple with a couple of our favorites: strawberries and chocolate! Valentines doesn’t have to be complicated; it just needs to warm the heart.
Enjoy!
Confessions of a Recovering People Pleaser
Click Here To Watch The Video.
A quick review of my life so far indicates that for most of it, I was a people pleaser. I gradually developed into a diplomat instead of a doormat and eventually I courageously stood in my power and now live to love people without having to try to please them all.
I can’t decide which takes more energy: the habit of people pleasing or mustering the courage to give it up. What I do know is that as a recovering people pleaser, I have more energy for creative pursuits, I have more time for friendships that are reciprocal and I have more space for joy to find me. I can tell you with confidence that it’s work worth doing.
“Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.”
– Bruce Cockburn
My story certainly isn’t unique; it involves a splendidly dysfunctional family and parents who absolutely did their best despite the traumatic blows of losing two of their babies. I think you get the idea. I felt like I was always working hard for approval, recognition; even just to be seen. I probably wasn’t the best people pleaser though because I had and still have a rebellious streak and a deep curiosity which in the end may be what helped propel me forward.
One of the greatest revelations for me on this life adventure is learning that I’m not alone; that many of us have resorted to people pleasing as a survival strategy, to keep the peace, to fit in or to feel that we are valued. Using this habit of pleasing others is often a first choice because we don’t believe we have options and it does work for a time, until it doesn’t. You’ll know when it’s not working because you’ll feel emotionally depleted, physically exhausted and life will feel less than satisfying. I hope you won’t wait until you hit those markers to shift out the habit of pleasing others and choose to create space for yourself.
What does it feel like to be a people pleaser? Well, it feels like other people’s needs are more important than your own and there’s a willingness to try to take care of their needs even when it’s at the expense of meeting yours. It may look like you’re a do-gooder but it may feel like you’re a victim. Sometimes the habit is so deeply engrained that it’s tough to recognize in ourselves; see if you relate to some of these symptoms:
–You agree to something you don’t really want to do.
-You have no free time.
-You feel that you need to be needed, to feel that life has purpose.
-You apologize all the time.
-You can’t say no.
-You need others to like you.
-You feel that people take advantage of you.
-You don’t get your needs met in relationships.
-You expect others to read your mind.
If you recognize yourself in any of those people pleasing symptoms, you are definitely not alone. My younger self can relate and my present self wants to help you shift out the need to please anyone but yourself.
Waking up to the notion that I had chosen to please others over getting my needs met was quite rude because I didn’t know any other way to operate. I had to renovate my mindset which meant remodeling my thoughts about myself and how I operated in the world. What I did was begin with small steps and repeatedly interrupt the habits I had relied on to function in the world.
Before we go any farther though, I have to say that pleasing people isn’t all wrong. Having healthy relationships means that we are compassionate and caring when it comes to those we love; the challenge is when we’re trying to win someone’s endorsement to bolster our self-esteem or we’re doing for others at the cost of our own well-being. By all means, do nice things for people; be kind but be careful because you are important and you matter too. Let’s get that straight.
True confession: it takes practice to shift out this tenacious habit of pleasing others and I strongly recommend starting with little steps that won’t scare you. Just take one of the tips on the list below and see how you can challenge yourself to put yourself first. Example: I never say yes right out of the gate to an invitation unless it’s an enthusiastic YES for me. My new habit is to say: “I’ll give it some thought and get back to you.” This way I recognize that I have a choice and I’ve learned to exercise that choice.
Here are a few tips to help with your renovations, if you choose to give up the habit of people pleasing.
-Know what your intention is in relationships.
-Know what your intention is around acts of kindness.
-Make time for yourself.
-Set boundaries: learn the power of the words yes and no.
-Think requests through. When someone asks you to do something, tell them you’ll get back to them. This gives you an opportunity to choose whether or not it’s a fit for you.
-Establish mutual benefit in your relationships.
-Care for yourself in the same way you care for others.
Please don’t overwhelm yourself with the assignment because it’s easy to give up and revert to old habits. Let me remind you, so you can remind yourself that you are important and you matter; your dreams and goals are important and they matter too. Be confident that when you give away your resources and your kindness that it’s bringing you joy and not trouble.
Focusing on our recovery as people pleasers helps us to move into more of a balance in our relationships, where we feel energized and satisfied that we are not only taking care of others but we’ve included ourselves in the equation. Don’t get me started on feeling guilty about making some alterations to how you operate because feeling guilty is like chewing bubble gum to solve a chemistry problem. It’s useless and it doesn’t serve anyone. Its action that creates the momentum, so here we go….in 3, 2, 1 action!
Footnote: How are you doing with your intention for 2022?
This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.
Preparing The Body For The Winter
Winter is yet another excellent season for us Canadians; however, it is also when the risk of falling increases due to ice patches. Although you cannot control mother nature, you can control a few things to help eliminate your risk.
- Avoid icy patches if possible.
- Wear ice grips.
- Use a cane or walking sticks to help with balance
- Salt or sand common walking areas.
- Practice good walking techniques when on an icy surface.
- Slow down and take your time.
Lastly, you need to prepare your body for these situations by staying fit, which means working on strength, endurance, balance, and reaction time.
Food-Tips On What To Eat, With Chef Robert Mills
Click here to watch: Chef Robert Mills as he introduces some food worth eating and having in our homes. Check out his book-inspired ideas and discover new ways to take ingredients you already have to combine them into healthy eating habits.
Have a healthy and happy day!
Introducing Marci Perreault, Certified Financial Planner
This month, we introduce Marci Perreault to our Wellings blog.
We recently talked to Marci about the role she plays in helping her clients and seniors navigate the financial maze.
For over 25 years Marci has guided her clients to make informed decisions when it comes to protecting themselves.
“Knowledge is a powerful thing, and with so much false information out there, it’s important you are working with someone you can trust. Someone that understands your goals and the assets available that will get you closer to them.
Clarity is important when making some very important choices about your wealth, your life and even your legacy.
People don’t wait days or weeks to hear from me. I am constantly upgrading my skills and knowledge to stay on top of changes to investment and insurance tax laws, government rulings, and new financial products, I will review your financial picture to take full advantage of changes while complying with changes within the financial services industry.
My experience in the financial services field has only deepened my belief that each individual needs a unique plan, one that is tailored to their personal situation. Everybody is different. Each client wants different things for retirement. There is no cookie cutter plan that fits every person.”
It would be my pleasure to take your call, answer your email, and review your goals against your current portfolio.
Specialties: Wealth Management Services, Living benefits, Income Replacement Strategies, Estate Planning, Risk Management, Group Benefits.
This months blog:
Think trusts are only for the rich and famous? You’ll see a variety of uses that show why trusts can meet the estate planning needs of just about anyone. It’s worth a second thought, and a conversation with your financial planner.
https://advisor.assante.com/JohnDoeIIROC/blog/112730-
Marci Perreault, FLMI, CHS, CFP
Certified Financial Planner
KenMar Financial Services
Assante Financial Management Ltd.
Suite 300, 68 Chamberlain Ave
Ottawa ON K1S 1V9
Phone 613-231-7700 EXT 223
Tai Chi At Home
Tai chi is quickly becoming one of our most loved forms of activity and it can be done easily at home. You just need space to stretch out.
We hope you will enjoy these and make them a regular part of your day.
Thank you Daily Caring for bringing our attention to the benefits of Tai chi, in this article.
Tai chi for seniors improves safety and health
It is a gentle exercise that helps seniors improve balance and prevent falls. It’s a series of slow, graceful movements while breathing deeply.
It is easily adapted to various levels of mobility and the benefits will happen over time.
Some have reported improved flexibility, better sleep and heightened ability to concentrate after doing the exercises for some time.
Click here to watch the video.
This video is easy to follow, and one of the highest recommended as it shows the different options for different levels of mobility.
Is it the End of an Era for New Year’s Resolutions?
While the holidays are about celebrating, connecting, sharing and exchanging gifts, it’s how we choose to begin the New Year that will continue to make life merry and bright. The tradition for many people is to set New Year’s resolutions, despite the fact that most of us fail miserably when it comes to setting such high expectations for ourselves. We’re human after all and resolutions are intimidating. Okay maybe I’m speaking for myself here LOL. If resolutions work for you, congratulations you’re among the 20% who succeed; the rest of us need a better way and I might have found it.
Work on your strengths, not your weaknesses. How many of your New Year’s resolutions have been about fixing a flaw? – Jonathan Haidt
I think the tricky part about New Year’s resolutions is that when we’re setting them, we’re focusing on our vulnerabilities, thinking that if we shed forty pounds, give up smoking by March or start waking up at 4:30 am to get to the gym we’ll be happier. But that’s just not how happiness works. Happiness is nurtured by taking the pressure off and setting ourselves up for success with kindness.
Want to focus on fitness in 2022? Then write down your intention, which could be something like: I want to feel fit and fantastic. Then look for and create opportunities to make that happen. Invite someone to walk with you, join a walking club or look for fitness classes on line. Take responsibility for your intention and repeat it often. A system that has proven to work is to write your intention on sticky notes, placing them on your bathroom mirror, your fridge and on your front door, to remind you to take on the day with your intention in mind. We need bite sized pieces instead of the whole enchilada to help us feel that we’re being successful.
Resolutions are goals with no clear path to get to them whereas intentions are more like a guide for our behaviour. I propose that we take our power back and set intentions instead of resolutions.
“One resolution I have made, and try always to keep is this: to rise above the little things.” – John Burroughs
Patience has been a challenge for many of us during this Pandemic pause. There are so many reasons we can feel frustrated because we feel restricted or maybe ignored. Choose an intention that helps you feel better, such as: I will be more patient. This means being more patient with yourself first and then with everyone you encounter in the day.
The handy little reminders on your mirror and door or beside your computer will prompt you to remember what’s important to you, especially when impatience wants to pop up. Saying to yourself “I will be more patient” calms frustration and creates space for a different result. After all, the only person we hurt when we act on our frustration is ourselves. Even when you aren’t patient, be kind to yourself and remember you can do better next time.
“Do the best you can until you know better; then when you know better, do better.” -Maya Angelou
Intentions recognise our willingness to do better so we can feel better. It’s all about improving our behaviour in small increments and being present to our circumstances, so we feel that we’re in charge of our response to any situation. The little wins add up to big ones over time, trust me. The pressure of resolutions creates an underlying stress and because resolutions are focused on the future, we’re actually delaying our happiness until we reach the goal, which in many cases we never do. Setting an intention allows us to choose and develop healthy habits that are both achievable and meaningful.
Happy New Year and cheers to having the best intentions for 2022.
This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.
Sharing the Holiday Sparkle
You must not be afraid to sparkle bright! Watch Kat and Nat as they share so many great ideas and inspiration around the magic of the holidays. From bringing your best self to getting rest plus some fun laughter and secret family recipes. Don’t forget to have a magical holiday and reply to this email with any ideas you might have for future topics that interest you or your community. Click here to watch the video.
Merry Christmas!
Light Festive Fruit Cake
Light Festive Fruit Cake
Ingredients:
1 ¼ cups fine white sugar
1 cup butter (room temperature)
5 eggs
1 cup cake and pastry flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp mace
1 pound light raisins
½ pound glazed cherries cut in half (half red; half green)
¾ cup diced glazed pineapple
½ pound diced mixed peel or citron if preferred
½ cup orange juice
¾ cup all-purpose flour
½ pound toasted slivered almonds
Unsweetened coconut to taste
Crystalized ginger sliced to taste
Method:
The night before baking cake, prepare fruit and add orange juice. Let stand overnight, stirring a few times.
On baking day line containers with parchment paper and make batter.
Cream butter and sugar well. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add cake and pastry flour, salt and mace. Beat until flour disappears.
Add slivered almonds and coconut to fruit and stir. Add the ¾ cup of all-purpose flour to the fruit and stir until fruit is covered. Add batter and mix well.
Scoop mixed batter into lined pans and bake at 325 degrees for an hour or until toothpick comes out clean. If top of cake gets too dark lay tin foil over the top.
Remove cakes from oven and let cool.
Poke holes all over cakes with a skewer or something similar and drizzle either white rum for the boozy version or white grape juice or apple juice for the non-boozy version. This helps moisten the cakes.
Wrap in cheesecloth then foil and store in a cool place.
This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.
Bring your own Sparkle to Light up the Holidays
I start to get excited about the holidays in late November. That’s when the greenery and decorations start to appear around the house and this little festive elf gets busy in the kitchen. I’ve probably mentioned it here before, so forgive me but my two favourite festive indulgences to make are plum pudding and white fruit cake. The plum pudding has been a tradition in my family for as long as I can remember. My mother and my god mother used to get together in early November to make plum pudding that they shared with family and a few choice friends.
My mother-in-law made the most gorgeous white fruitcake that I’ve added my own special twist to, to make it my own. I now make several fruit cakes and smaller plum puddings, using our family recipes, to continue sharing this sweet gift; it’s one of the ways I share my sparkle during the holidays.
“Use each moment to make another’s eyes sparkle and to warm a heart.” – Doreen Virtue.
The magic of the season is apparent in the eyes of children and we can learn a lot from them about how to share our sparkle. The gifts that children give are among our most precious possessions: a Christmas decoration made by your child in grade one becomes a treasured ornament. It really is so simple and we forget that it’s not about the magnitude of our giving, it’s about the meaning. We can all share our sparkle during the holidays and it doesn’t have to cost anything, in fact we’ll be richer for it.
First of all, gift yourself by focusing on what you’re grateful for, when you first wake up in the morning. This sets you up to recognize the blessings in your life, so that you feel abundant. Then as you go about your day, you can share that abundance with others.
Give away smiles freely, hand out compliments like candy, be a generous listener, let someone go ahead of you in line. Each one of these suggestions is a meaningful gift from your heart; believe me, it will make a difference.
The other day I was waiting to merge into busy traffic when a driver in the lane I wanted to access, made it clear that she/he was going to let me in. I couldn’t believe it; the driver put on their turn signal as if they were going to pull off the road, just so their intention to let me in was very clear. I gave a wave as I pulled into traffic and did a little happy dance in my seat. I think I even said out loud “who does that?” Someone who felt abundant did that and I am so grateful.
It’s that simple. Perhaps it’s checking in on an old friend or connecting with a family member you haven’t spoken to in a while. How about making a greeting card and sending it in the mail? Maybe you add an extra portion of whatever you’re making for dinner and share it with someone. Perhaps you bake some extra goodies and gift them. If you’re picking up some festive ornaments, get some extras and share them.
“Maybe our sparkle comes from somewhere deeper inside, somewhere so pure and authentic and real, it doesn’t need gloss or polish or glitter to shine.” – Mandy Hale.
I don’t know about you but I’m not interested in Christmas shopping anymore; not only because it feels stressful but I realized a few years ago that shopping is not the point of the holidays. It’s not about presents as in gifts; rather it’s about presence as in awareness and mindfulness. It’s a beautiful time of year to get decked out with decorations, lights and special food. It’s also an opportunity to pause, reflect, spend time with those we care about and make a difference for others with our sparkle.
While it’s the season of giving, we shouldn’t forget to give to ourselves. Making time to both rest and be active during this time of year will benefit our mood and fill us with positive energy. Taking good care of ourselves is perhaps the greatest gift we can give to those we care about because when we feel good, we carry that sparkle with us not only during the holidays but throughout the year. So, wrap yourself in goodness and shine bright this holiday season.
This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.