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Articles by: Kathie Donovan

Author: Kathie Donovan

The Art of Living Well by Decluttering

The self-storage business in North America nets well over 35 billion dollars a year. That’s a shocking number isn’t it but are you surprised? The success of this industry is due in large part to young families looking for more affordable housing and older generations downsizing. I think it’s fair to say that most of us have stuff stashed in cupboards, basements, garages and one in ten of us has stuff stashed in a storage locker somewhere.

Getting that first apartment and buying furniture is usually where collecting stuff begins. We acquire, inherit, borrow and purchase stuff for the rest of our lives. We cherish certain items for sentimental, investment or aesthetic reasons and we hold on to things that have no meaning whatsoever, usually because we don’t know what to do with them or in some cases we don’t even know we have them.

Have you heard of Marie Kondo, also known as Konmari? She’s an organizational consultant, author of four books, including The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up; she’s also the star of the successful Netflix series, Tidying Up.

Marie’s method of organizing and decluttering is called the KonMari Method.™  It’s best described as a way of life or a state of mind that focuses on appreciating and keeping only the items we have that spark joy, while surrendering what no longer sparks joy, after acknowledging and thanking each item. There’s a specific process, beginning with our clothing and ending with sentimental items. The shift in the people whose lives are changed by Marie’s magic is actually very inspiring and shines a light on the real problem we have in North America when it comes to our need to acquire and hold on to things.

Marie compassionately walks her clients through the KonMari process, helping them recognize that when we only keep items that spark joy, our lives feel lighter, we feel more relaxed in our environment and some of the items we surrender become available to spark joy for someone else. It’s a powerful lesson that is initially frightening and overwhelming but creates freedom and empowers everyone who participates in the process.

Marie Kondo is a very gentle person with a soft voice and an easy smile, who doesn’t judge her clients. She loves a mess, she says, because she loves tidying up and once her clients grasp the concept and really examine what sparks joy for them, the process of surrendering what doesn’t serve them or as Marie says, spark joy for them, helps create a feeling of freedom.

This idea of surrendering what doesn’t serve us or what doesn’t spark joy isn’t just about our physical possessions, the best research suggests that each of us has between 20,000 and 80,000 thoughts a day, many of them are stored from childhood and most of them do anything but spark joy, wouldn’t you agree?

De-cluttering our thoughts is as important as de-cluttering our things, when you consider that the only areas in our lives that we really have control over are our thoughts and our things. We can’t control life’s events and we can’t control other people. In the same way that we can choose to keep only the belongings that spark joy, we can acknowledge untruths and surrender them, to make room for ideas and thoughts that actually make us feel good.

I believe it was Einstein who said “we can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” If we unpack the conditioned thoughts and beliefs we have about ourselves and our place in the world, we can usually trace some of it back to something someone said to us even as children, or something we read or saw in the media and when repeated over and over becomes a belief. The most important question to ask is: is the thought or belief true?

There are so many examples we could look at but for a moment let’s examine the idea of aging. In North American society, the accepted view is if we’re old, we’re irrelevant. Is that true? I believe the answer is no and it’s up to each one of us to defy that ridiculous idea and bring our best to every day. It’s not about fighting against anything, it’s about leading the way and showing others what it looks like to be a mature, ageless thinker who believes every person is relevant. The focus of our thoughts then must be on what sparks joy and what makes us feel connected and relevant in the world today.

I love the concept of Freedom Living that The Wellings embraces because it really embodies what it is to age gratefully. Freedom living recognizes that this gift of aging is about saying yes to what sparks joy and giving ourselves permission to let people and situations that cause drama or clutter slide on by, after acknowledging and thanking them, as Marie Kondo would have us do.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

The Secret to Making Achievable New Year’s Resolutions

The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions has been around for centuries, beginning with the ancient Babylonians, whose custom of celebrating a new year in March, when crops were planted, focused on a 12 day religious festival. During the celebration, a new king was crowned or loyalty to the reigning king was affirmed and promises to pay debt and return any borrowed items were made. The idea was that if people honoured their resolutions, the gods would smile on them and if not they’d potentially be punished by the same gods.

In the 4,000 years since, as  societies have evolved, quite a few things have changed but the idea of making a promise still remains except now it seems we set rather unrealistic goals; in effect we set ourselves up to let ourselves down. I have a few helpful ideas that might feel more resonant in 2020.

A recent New Year’s Eve poll conducted on CTV Ottawa, indicated that 78% of respondents do not make New Year’s resolutions; of the 22% who say they do set resolutions, we can assume that a good percentage of them will fail to reach their goals. Visit your local gym during the first week of January; then during the first week of April and you’ll see evidence of this fascinating human behavior.

So why do we set ourselves up to fail? Wouldn’t it make more sense to set achievable New Year’s resolutions? Instead of committing to losing weight, quitting smoking, eating clean or any of the other predictable and often unrealistic goals we set on the first day of a new year, why not look at the idea of resolutions in a slightly different way. How about shifting habits from the inside out instead of the other way around?

The way we think of New Year’s resolutions is about deferred happiness: I’ll feel better or I’ll be happier with myself when I……..fill in the blank with any number of objectives. If the true goal of a resolution is to improve your life, wouldn’t it be more powerful to focus your thoughts on that improvement? Doesn’t it make more sense to be focused on appreciation for what you already have in your life by listing three to five things you’re grateful for every day instead of admonishing yourself for enjoying a cupcake?

The folks at UCLA’s Mindfulness Awareness Research Center tell us that focusing on being thankful and expressing appreciation change the molecular structure of the brain and it’s believed that people who experience more positive emotions feel more alive, sleep better, express more compassion and kindness, and even have stronger immune systems.

I believe that courage is our superpower and yet many of us feel less and less courageous, the longer we’re on earth. Fear is a very powerful force and its job is to keep us safe but it also can prevent us from trying new things or meeting new people. I’m not suggesting you try swimming with great white sharks but what if you called on courage to help you try something you’ve always wanted to like dancing, yoga or learning a new language? What if you called on courage to help you get moving for fifteen minutes a day? 

Every time you call on your superpower of courage and take action, you’re sending a message to your brain that you’re safe so fear can take a back seat and you can take a step closer to your goal of feeling better about yourself. After all self-improvement and happiness are nurtured by the small steps we take toward feeling good on the inside, which ultimately shows on the outside.

I encourage you to embrace every new day as the gift that it truly is. Let’s let go of resentments that keep us stuck, disappointment, anger and regret that keep us in the past. Let’s greet every day with gratitude and courage. Let’s open our hearts and open our minds; let’s get on with the business of living well. This is going to be a great day.

 

Kathie Donovan
Currently a Wellings Ambassador and Living Well Advisor, Kathie was Canada’s broadcasting sweetheart for almost three decades as well as co-host of the beloved television show Regional Contact. Kathie is a gifted storyteller who shone a light on characters and creative types tucked into small towns. Her love of connecting people, caring and sharing is inspiring. Kathie has authored two books with a third on the way; she continues to build on her annual event “Refresh Your Passion” and other workshops. Kathie’s priorities are to love what she does and live well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

Plant Love; Reap Joy

One of my favourite flowers is the Forget-me-not. A woman I worked with many years ago gave me a packet of Forget-me-not seeds, when we stopped working together, so that I will always remember her. The first spring those sweet little blue flowers popped up, I smiled and thought of the kind-hearted person who gifted them to me.

The following season, there were more and over the years, in some areas of our garden, there’s a pretty blue carpet that reminds me of friendship and kindness. I love how nature has so much to teach us. 

Here’s something important we can learn from nature: everything we plant in our mind with our thoughts will produce some kind of result, just as it would if you planted a seed in the ground.

The question is what’s growing in your garden? Do you want flowers or weeds?

I love the question because it guides us to consider what we really want. I like to think of myself as a farmer, planting seeds and nurturing them, so that I can benefit down the road.  If we want to feel good in life, it’s up to us to invest in the crops that will produce that result. I like to grow healthy crops with my thoughts and I like to weed out things like chronic complaining and gossip because neither one is going to help with what I want to grow and harvest.

As humans, we’re wired to feel safe, so challenging our thoughts seems unnatural; we have to work at this stuff. Brain science tells us that we have between 60,000 and 80,000 thoughts rolling through our minds every day and most of them are negative. If I asked you to pay attention to the thoughts that pop up, say for one day, I think you’d notice what I’m talking about.

We have deeply ingrained habits that at one time in our evolution served to help us survive. Take judgement for example: we love to categorize and compare, don’t we?  It makes us feel powerful but judgement and separation, taken to an extreme have caused so many problems in our families and our communities. I think the most damaging thoughts we have are focused on judgement of ourselves and separation from others. Listen to how you talk to yourself with your inside voice. Left unmanaged, the random thoughts in your mind can take you down some scary rabbit holes. So, it’s key to catch ourselves when judgement pops up and reset to compassion and empathy for ourselves first and then for everyone else.

Another habit is holding on to bitterness, anger and resentment because it makes us feel powerful where we might otherwise feel powerless. Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

We can’t control life’s events and we can’t control other people. The only things we have control over are the thoughts we choose. Keep in mind that nobody has it all together, we are all beautiful works in progress and having a focus on empathy, compassion and kindness means that we will harvest tons of good will and enjoy more connected relationships with our families, friends and our communities. Plant love, reap joy and live well.

Kathie Donovan
Currently a Wellings Ambassador and Living Well Advisor, Kathie was Canada’s
broadcasting sweetheart for almost three decades as well as co-host of the beloved television show Regional Contact. Kathie is a gifted storyteller who shone a light on characters and creative types tucked into small towns. Her love of connecting people, caring and sharing is inspiring. Kathie has authored two books with a third on the way; she continues to build on her annual event “Refresh Your Passion” and other workshops. Kathie’s priorities are to love what she does and live well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

The Season of Giving

Here we go again: another Christmas season is ramping up and I wonder: 

Are you ready? 

I don’t mean are your gifts wrapped and under the tree. I mean are you ready for all of the silliness that comes with long to-do lists and unexpected sideswipes that can invade what should be a joyful time of year. 

After all, we’re celebrating the birth of Jesus and birthdays should always be enjoyable, right?

Our challenge is perspective. 

Somehow over the decades, we got lost in the wonder and magic of a Coca Cola promotion that stuck. Now for the most part, instead of the central focus of the season is about the all-important life lessons Jesus 

taught like kindness, forgiveness, and compassion, at the center of Christmas is a jolly fellow in a red suit, who flies around the world delivering presents to hopeful children and adults who trust that Santa has their name on the nice list and not on the naughty list.

I love the magic and beauty of the decorations, music and special food prepared at this time of year. I have my own tradition of making a plum pudding that my Mum and God Mum made for decades and the white fruitcake that my husband’s Mum made; it wouldn’t be Christmas without them. For me now, this season is about kindness, forgiveness, and compassion the gifts you won’t find in stores…they’re one size fits all and everyone needs them.

As anticipation is building and shoppers are shopping, what I’d like to recommend is a focus on the gifts we really need in our world. 

We need more presence; not presents. We need to acknowledge one another, be there and care for each other. 

What about the neighbor whose child or spouse passed away or the new immigrant who might not have a community here? Could we not deliver some kindness or compassion to them over this Christmas season? How about delivering a smile to your neighbors and your family, asking how they’re doing and then really listening to the answer?

Joy and happiness are not dependant on our bank balance, our age, size, nationality or our status. 

Happiness and joy are cultivated in our hearts and once shared freely with others have an amazing ripple effect. 

Experts who study kindness say that even when we observe someone being kind, we benefit. So there you have it: you give a gift; you receive a gift. 

This festive season, give a little bit of love to everyone you encounter. 

It could be that your kindness, empathy, and compassion are the Christmas miracles that change someone’s life.

Kathie Donovan
Currently a Wellings Ambassador and Living Well Advisor, Kathie was Canada’s
broadcasting sweetheart for almost three decades as well as co-host of the beloved television show Regional Contact. Kathie is a gifted storyteller who shone a light on characters and creative types tucked into small towns. Her love of connecting people, caring and sharing is inspiring. Kathie has authored two books with a third on the way; she continues to build on her annual event “Refresh Your Passion” and other workshops. Kathie’s priorities are to love what she does and live well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

The Kindness Effect

“Kindness is the one size fits all gifts that everybody needs.”
-Kathie Donovan

Science is finally catching on to the kindness movement, recognizing that thoughtfulness is not a sign of weakness but a healthy and meaningful habit.

What may appear to be a very simple act is actually a rather complex experience for us humans. Even observing kindness can have an impact on us. We experience kindness in our heart as in “his kind act touched my heart” as well as in our head because we remember kindness and are sometimes inspired to be kind to others as a result of having the experience.

When I was researching my first book Inspiration in Action: A Woman’s Guide to Happiness, I had a study group who would play along with some of my ideas, one of which was an experiment called The Mindfulness Project. I challenged the participants to carry out simple, thoughtful acts for other people for one week. Some were asked to give compliments freely for a week, others were asked to buy someone a cup of coffee, or smile at three people. The results were inspiring, as each person reported back that they felt the power in a small kind act, even when they weren’t the recipient. Science calls this effect “helpers high.”

Acts of kindness have tremendous physical benefits. Showing kindness, releases the hormone oxytocin, which produces nitric oxide that helps lower blood pressure. Oxytocin also supports good self-esteem and optimism. So, next time you’re feeling shy, show someone some kindness and you’ll feel the benefit too.

“In the same way that it wouldn’t take much to turn your day around, ask what you could do for someone else.”
-Kathie Donovan

A few years ago, I used a simple strategy to spread kindness. I wrote thank you notes on a piece of paper, folded it in half and placed it under random windshield wipers in the parking lot, outside my doctor’s office, outside a hospital, in a very full downtown parking lot; always when I thought nobody could see me. The message inside would say “you have a beautiful smile” or “you make our world better by being here” or “you are loved,” you get the idea. I’d write For You on the front of the paper and leave it under the windshield wiper. While I’ll never know how those messages were received, I know what I intended and I definitely felt that “helpers high.”

The cool thing about kindness is that it’s absolutely free. Kindness is a smile, looking someone in the eye, saying thank you, giving compliments freely. It’s assisting someone when it looks like they need it, it’s doing something kind for someone and not telling anyone about it.

Kindness can be learned and it’s an excellent habit to cultivate because kindness has magical powers. The kinder you are to others, the more kindness comes to you in ways you would never anticipate. Kindness when practiced regularly  helps to reduce stress and leads to a feeling of wellbeing.

If you choose to see the world with kindness instead of fear, you’ll have a much better day and everyone around you will benefit. I challenge you to foster kindness in your community and notice what a difference it makes for you and everyone you encounter. All you have to do is ask yourself  what small act of kindness could you do for someone to make their day brighter? Then enjoy doing it. Be kind; live well.

Kathie Donovan

Currently a Wellings Ambassador and Living Well Advisor, Kathie was Canada’s broadcasting sweetheart and co-host of Regional Contact for almost 30 years. Kathie travelled the Country shedding light on attractions, causes and talented artisans tucked away- off the beaten track. Her love of connecting people, caring and sharing is inspiring. Kathie has authored three books, continues to build on her workshop series “ Refresh Your Passion”, and is currently taping a new TV show, yet still has time to love what she’s doing and live well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

The Power Of Connection And Community

I remember what it felt like when I walked into a new classroom in grade school, after my family moved to a new city. I felt so alone and uncomfortable until I connected with the people in my class, which didn’t take too long. I’ve experienced that same feeling over and over throughout life whenever I’ve been courageous enough to join a class or a new group of any kind.

You’d think we’d learn that the feeling of being alone doesn’t last very long but fear often wields its power to keep us from trying new experiences because fear’s job is to keep us safe and comfortable. Ultimately, I believe we’re all looking to feel connected and we’re at our best when we’re part of a community. Our fear is quickly eased either through conversation or shared activity, just like it was when I was in grade school. Our work then is to ask fear to take a seat while we get on with the business of exploring the amazing opportunity communities have to offer.

Science shows us that human beings are born for connection and we thrive when we’re part of something greater than ourselves. Today, young people often refer to their group of friends as a tribe, borrowing from history and they’re not wrong. We thrive when we’re with our tribe because ultimately community is where we feel valued, seen, heard and appreciated.

Communities have a powerful effect on our wellbeing: emotionally, physically and spiritually; helping us feel socially connected and providing a sense of being part of something meaningful. In our digital world, on-line communities can provide a touch point without us having to be together physically but nothing can replace the relationships we make when we’re together in person.

As human beings, we need familiar threads to tie us together: family is a great example. Although not perfect, a family’s story has commonalities and provides a sense of belonging that we attempt to replicate throughout life. Depending on the stage of our life it could be a social circle, a spiritual group, a workplace family or the community we choose to live in.

Just as our roles in life shift, the importance of connection and community shifts as well. We are meant to continue learning and growing as humans, so as we retire from full time work or become empty nesters, joining a group or community offers focus, engages our imagination and enriches our social skills. How about learning a new language, volunteering, joining a dance or yoga class; perhaps taking martial arts classes?

As we age, our focus should be on enjoying a good quality of life: maximizing friendship, health and happiness.  Living well at The Wellings means being part of a community where everyone is encouraged to thrive, where everyone has an opportunity to contribute, where there’s reduced stress, opportunities to make new friends, learn something new and above all feel safe when you’re at home. This tribe is fuelled by the enthusiasm of its members and supported by the staff; I just don’t think you’ll find a better definition of a freedom living community than the lifestyle enjoyed by folks who live at The Wellings.

Kathie Donovan

Currently a Wellings Ambassador and Living Well Advisor, Kathie was Canada’s broadcasting sweetheart and co-host of Regional Contact for almost 30 years. Kathie travelled the Country shedding light on attractions, causes and talented artisans tucked away- off the beaten track. Her love of connecting people, caring and sharing is inspiring. Kathie has authored three books, continues to build on her workshop series “ Refresh Your Passion”, and is currently taping a new TV show, yet still has time to love what she’s doing and live well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Healthy Aging Posted by Kathie Donovan

An Open Conversation About Change

Has this Happened to You?

You go to the produce department of your grocery store and they’ve moved your favourite vegetable or fruit. Now you have to go searching for its new location and along the way you notice some items you didn’t know were on the shelves.

You might even pick up one or two new things. Discovering date butter recently, while looking for fresh blueberries was a revelation for me.

Retailers understand the need to change their displays to keep things fresh and their customers interested but the idea doesn’t always apply to our day to day life. Really, many of us are what financial planners call risk-averse.

I’m guilty as charged when it comes to managing my finances however the rest of my life is filled with risk because I’ve learned to use my superpower of courage. Believe me, I wasn’t always so eager to change things up.

Embracing change is not a natural thing for us humans and we find ourselves complaining about it because we’re wired for safety. When we think change, often we think discomfort, right?

We’ve been trained through how we’re wired as humans and through social conditioning to resist changing anything. Our beautiful brains have intricate systems to keep us protected. When we feel threatened or pushed to make some kind of change or change is happening around us and we can’t control it, we freak out a little…or a lot depending on the circumstance and all we want is to get back to the safety of life before this perceived disruption.

What we’re really afraid of when it comes to change is being outside, what we describe as, our comfort zone. It’s that feeling of familiarity with surroundings and behaviours, where we can predict what will happen with some confidence.

Stepping outside that zone makes us feel unsettled because we can’t predict what will happen and often we choose not to take action as a result.

Of the 40,000 – 60,000 thoughts that we have rolling around in our brain every day, I’d be willing to bet some of them are about changes you’d like to see happen in your life and others are about why you shouldn’t do anything about it.

So How Can we Learn to Embrace Change?

First of all, we need to understand that our brain can change how it operates; the great news is that we’re not stuck with the wiring we came into the world with.

The science is called Neuroplasticity and it refers to the idea that we can rewire our brains not to fear change so much, in fact, we can learn to embrace change; it’s all in how we choose to think.

Some of the change we experience in life is a result of being alive…anybody else noticing a little drooping of this and that?  Other change is within our control and some change is out of our control.

Faced with any of the above, we have a choice: we can either accept or resist and this is where the magic happens. It’s in our choice.

If you’ve met an older person with a youthful spirit, someone who was interested in you and has a lot to offer, then you have witnessed what I’ve just described. Remaining open-minded, being kind and courageous, making ourselves life-long learners all contribute to making us feel ageless.

I like to joke that people 55 plus today are part of generation ageless because that’s how I want us to see ourselves. Sure, change happens but when we’re open-minded, change looks more like an opportunity for growth than a threat to our safety and when we grow, the focus is always on improving our lives.

We, Humans, Crave Continuity, Yet One Thing We Can Be Sure of in Life is Change.

I think the best question we can ask ourselves is what are we really afraid of? In the answer will be the key to acceptance because when we start to get clear about why we’re afraid, it’s usually not as overwhelming as we initially perceived.

Having compassion for ourselves is a big part of learning to embrace change and sharing our fear with others who have compassion for us is important as well.

See change as a natural part of life instead of an interruption because it is natural and learning to embrace it by participating in it instead of fighting against it will bring surprising results.

When We Know Where We Fit In, We’re More Likely to Take a step in a new direction.

We need to feel like participants in every step of our life’s adventure. While it may be tempting to allow someone else to take care of your business, they may not give you the result you really want.

So, navigate change with your friends and family; don’t be afraid to seek a professional’s advice if it’s an unfamiliar subject. Continue to educate yourself and share what you fear, so you can find clarity.

Do the research, ask questions and talk it out with others going through similar experiences. It’s important to know what your priorities are, when it comes to navigating change, so you can prevent others from imposing their ideas on you rather than remaining neutral and giving you the space to make informed choices.

Enjoy your life….go to the movies, set up coffee dates, do yoga, whatever makes you feel good and fills you up, will be great support as you navigate change. Learning to embrace change is work and its work worth doing because your happiness depends on it.

Changes in our lives should be working for us; not the other way around. Live well; be well.

 
Kathie Donovan

Currently a Wellings Ambassador and Living Well Advisor, Kathie was Canada’s broadcasting sweetheart and co-host of Regional Contact for almost 30 years. Kathie travelled the Country shedding light on attractions, causes and talented artisans tucked away- off the beaten track. Her love of connecting people, caring and sharing is inspiring. Kathie has authored three books, continues to build on her workshop series “ Refresh Your Passion”, and is currently taping a new TV show, yet still has time to love what she’s doing and live well.

This Wellings blog by Kathie Donovan was exclusively written for Wellings Communities and appeared first on MyWellings.com.

in Carefreedom Living® Posted by Kathie Donovan

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